2022.01.23 05:29 Environmental_Ad2794 Thoughts?
2022.01.23 05:29 ZakkaryGreenwell I have a question about proxying a Heavy Weapon for my Imperial Guard Army.
Would most people be alright if I proxied a Howitzer for a Missile Launcher?
Just a basic piece of Field Artillery on a 60mm base with a couple dudes at the rear of the base.
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2022.01.23 05:29 popcornboiii Steven Crowder Wants To Cancel MLK After Watching Speech
|submitted by popcornboiii to TheMajorityReport [link] [comments]|
2022.01.23 05:29 Princip0525 I am rotting
This is gonna be really long, but a tl;dr will be at the very end. TW: probably any tw anyone would ever need. this is an absolute trainwreck.
Basically, my life has gone to absolute shit and Im filled with so much rage and hate that I feel like im rotting inside. This all starts with a boy we'll call S. I met him when I was 11 and I'm turning 17 now. When we met he was heavily into drugs and had severe mental instablilities. I loved him regardless and consider him my first love. I lost my virginity to him when I was only 12 (which was not consensual but i'm too scared to say the r-word to describe it) and he promptly ghosted me for two years after with no explanation. He then hit me up on instagram and I later found out about two months ago that it was because he knew I'd take him back.
We dated for a month or two, on and off because of him consistently ghosting me. I blame myself for holding onto him for so long and not expecting everytime he would leave. At this point, he was completely lost in his drug addiction and only cared about his high. In our brief on and off stage, he would call me names, shove me away in public in case we ran into anyone he knew, and basically trauma dump onto me every waking second and suicide bait me. At one point I had finally had enough and cut him off completely. He was abusive, manipulative, the works.
I became great friends with his friends since we met, including Q and A, (A is still one of my favorite people alive). During May of 2021, Q asked me out on a date to the mall. It was really unexpected considering we had a bit of a complicated past, but I accepted as a part of healing from S. Q was two hours late and we only spent about 30 minutes together. I had spent so much time looking pretty for the first time since before Covid and i thought he was standing me up. turns out he just fell asleep. But I was happy regardless because I knew Q as a friend since long before and thought he could be good for me. So we started dating. during this time, he was caring and gentle and sweet. Something I had never experienced before.
Then it escalated. One day, completely unexpectedly, he slit his wrist because his parents wouldn't let him go to the library with me. It was shocking, but having dealt with this for so long from S, I tried to calm him down and sympathize with him. I realize how wrong it was now, but I couldn't understand it then.
Things were fine eventually, little fights here and there, and then S texted me again. He was sober now and in rehab, and wanted to start again as friends with me. I was hesitant, talked to Q about it (who said it wasnt a good idea but he'd support me either way), and we started a very rocky friendship. He was very different sober. Very kind, listened to me, asked about my day. He was funny and compassionate and cared. A brand new person. And then only a few days later, he called me and told me he had feelings for me. I told him I'd call him again after work and after I had thought it over, but really I just needed time to figure out the best way to not set him off.
I called him that night and explained that I would always feel very dearly for him and care for him, since he had been a part of my life for so long, but I was dating Q and I knew that S had a habit of relying on girls for happiness. He broke down immediately, and after sobbing for a few minutes, told me he had a gun to his head and was ready to pull the trigger. I still remember how my heart dropped and how every limb I had was shaking. I knew he'd do it. I knew he had the means to do it. I frantically texted Q to call the police because I was too much of a pussy to do it myself. I dont remember much of the call, but I remember hanging up out of fear after about an hour.
I blocked him on everything after that, and later I broke up with Q. The week of homecoming. I had found out he'd been skipping work, and I also had suspicions of him cheating on me. (a blanket that smelled like perfume, missing condom, photos of another girl, cheating past, his location at random houses at random times of the day). He sobbed to me on the phone, and when I wouldn't budge, his voice went hostile and he went "so thats it!?". I said yes and he hung up on me. I found out later that he had a meltdown to his parents and they took him to the nearest mental hospital to get evaluated or just taken care of, something along those lines.
I thought that the best way to keep everyone happy would be to stay friends with him. So we continued talking as friends for a bit. During this, i had gotten sick, and he constantly dropped gifts off at my door. He also had a habit of showing up to my home or work unnanounced, which pissed me off to no end. I once hadn't responded for an hour and he called me 56 times and showed up to my house sobbing in front of my mom and my brother who i hadn't seen in years. He also got piss drunk and faded at my 16th birthday party and vomited in my garage, which I had to clean up. However, I digress.
On a friday afternoon a week after we had broken up, he invited me and my best friend Kiki to go to starbucks. He was really excited the night before- like, oddly excited. Kiki decided to bring her boyfriend along since he was Q's best friend, so we picked up Q first then headed to Kiki's boyfriend's place. During the ride, I was on snapchat responding to just random snaps. I noticed after a few minutes that Q had gotten really quiet and distant in the backseat. Me and Kiki exchanged looks and i asked Q what was wrong, but he didn't respond so I just turned back around. We then arrived at this intersection at a redlight, and I heard a small shudder from behind me.
I turn around, and Q had a switchblade to his wrist and was carving into himself while sobbing silently. I didn't want to scare Kiki, so I took a deep breath and told her to not turn around, and to pull over asap. She knew from my face that something was wrong- i'm not a serious person at all. a million thoughts went through my head, but as soon as we parked, I flew out of the car, slammed the door, opened his door, and started screaming. I'm not a screamer either, most will say I'm extremely mellow and quiet. When Kiki stepped out and saw all the blood everywhere, I wanted to cry. I blamed myself immediately. I didnt want her to see what had happened.
I took the switchblade from him and he started sobbing, begging me to take him back. He told me he did it because he saw I had other guys in my phone (keep in mind, it was RANDOM people on snapchat besides friends that he knew AND we were broken up). I ran inside the nearest store, obviously shaken up and begged for paper towells or napkins of any sort. The man behind the counter gave me the biggest roll i've ever seen, and I went back to the car as soon as possible and started to clean up the blood. I didn't speak at all while he tried explaining himself and sobbing. Kiki tried to calm him down and sympathoze with him, but all I felt was pure fear and anger. Once I had him cleaned up enough, I argued with Kiki outside the car about taking him home. She wanted to take him to the hospital, I just wanted him far away from us. I eventually won the argument, and we took him home.
I sat in the back with him in case he tried to hurt Kiki. I'd rather he turn to me than her, or if he tried to do anything to her, I'd be close enough to stop him. I asked him why he would even bring that with him, and thats when I realized that it was premeditated. He wouldnt tell me why. I watched him closely as we dropped him off, and told him we would never be in contact again while still being gentle enough to not set him off. I feared for my life and the life of my best friend.
Once we dropped him off, Kiki and I sat in silence while on the drive to her boyfriend's house as we processed what had just happened. It didn't even feel real. Q had NEVER had a history of cutting besides the once with the library. it was completely unexpected. In a state of shock, we began to laugh. that's the only thing that felt real in that moment. When we got to her boyfriend's house, we told him what had happened, and he looked at me with so much hostility and bitterness.
Keep in mind, her boyfriend is Q's best friend. not so much now, but at the time they had been best friends since childhood. He blamed me for it and said "it was obviously a cry for help, why didn't you help him?". I was pissed beyond belief. Even today, Kiki doesn't see what he said as a big deal. I just went home. I didn't want to deal with it anymore.
He approached me once after that- the following monday at school. He told me he was doing better and tried to hold my hand. I stayed silent and swiped my hand away, my heart racing and my breath going shallow. I was terrified of him. Of his gaze, his presence, what he was capable of. I thought I knew him when I didn't know anything about him. How cruel he could be. How manipulative he could be.
I cut him off completely. But then S hit me up again through discord, which I forgot to block him from. We started talking again. I needed a familiar face besides Kiki (who was so far up her boyfriend's ass that sometimes I think she blames me for it too). We talked for a few weeks. He had a girlfriend now, was still sober, and doing well in school. Until he suddenly told me that his therapist didn't think it was good for him to talk to me because he still had feelings for me, and blocked me shortly afterwards. I was confused. How could I not be good for him when he was the prime reason for all my emotional issues? When he was the one that traumatized me beyond repair, fucked with my head for years, played me like I was disposable and useless. I was so angry.
But I was starting to get over it a few months later. I started talking to a boy named Keffer. Finally someone with no relation to S or Q. But he was bound to run into one of them eventually. He knew of them and we all go to the same school. One day he texted me out of the blue and asked if I was talking to anyone else. It confused me because I 100% was not talking to anyone else and had never given him a reason to think I was. When I asked why he would think that, he told me it was because he ran into S in the bathroom and he told him "I could have her back whenever I wanted. She's a total slut. You know she's talking to other guys right?" and proceeded to tell him all the things i "liked in bed" such as hardcore BDSM, sadism, etc. I was disguted. I felt so violated and like an object. After all I had been through with him, he was still trying to manipulate my relationships.
I let the anger sit, and with no outlet, I decided to text S. I told him how disgusted I am with him. How I hate him so much I wish he would have never gotten sober. How he completely ruined my life and how I wish I would never see him again. I let him read it, all of it, before I blocked him again. I'll admit, it's not my proudest moment. I regret it still today. I hope I'm not a bad person, but that made me think I 100% was.
More time passed, and during mid-terms I started talking to a group of girls I had just met and one of them named Eva started talking about Q. I laughed and said "oh that kid sucks", and she got really quiet. I didnt think much of it, but a couple minutes later she dragged me to the bathroom and asked what i meant by that. She told me she and him were dating. She reminded me so much of myself a few years prior, so I told her everything. She began to sob, and I didnt know what to do so I just stared. I wish I would have hugged her. I wish I would have said something. She ran out of the bathroom, and a little while later her friend came up to me. She told me "I know it's hard seeing another girl with your ex-" and I cut her off immediately. I wanted nothing to do with Q, i explained. I just wanted to warn her and help her. She seemed like such a lovely soul, I didn't want her to go through the same shit I did.
I saw Eva later that day, and tried saying hi, but she completely ignored me. I learned from A (one of me and Q's mutual friends) that me warning her only strengthened their relationship, and I cant imagine the lies he told her in order to make that happen.
Since then, I've been getting involved heavily into drugs and started cutting myself. I feel myself turning more and more into S. The same guy that ruined me. The same guy that I swore I'd hate the rest of my life. I'm turning into the people that hurt me and it's hurting everyone else in my life. I'm so scared I'm going to lose myself because of them. I'm scared that no matter what I do, I'm irredeemable. I suffered from extreme paranoia after me and Q's breakup that I wouldn't leave my house, called off work, and would constantly check the house in case he had broken it. I mean, he had a habit of showing up unannounced while we were dating, I figured if he was balsy enough to slit his wrists in front of me, he was balsy enough to show up at my house or work and try to hurt me. I'm better with it now, but I still can't go on walks alone or go into his neighborhood or where he works. Everytime I see S in the hallway, which is rare but unexpected everytime, my heart pounds and I cant breathe and I start to shake.
Everyone keeps telling me that they're doing so good. That they're so much better and that they're thriving. It's so unfair. Why do they get to be happy and continue living their lives peacefully while I'm stuck here, constantly haunted by everything they've done to me. Why am I the one that has to suffer from them. Why am i the only one traumatized and completely broken. Its so fucking unfair.
What I'm trying to say is, I feel like I'm rotting inside because of this. Im so constantly angry at S and Q, at myself, at what I'm becoming. I feel as if there is no hope for me anymore.
Tl;dr- on and off again abusive boyfriend holds a gun to his head because I wont go out with him, other ex slits his wrists in front of me. Angry because theyre doing so much better while I'm constantly anxious and depressed and haunted over what they've done to me.
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2022.01.23 05:29 Focooo I got drunk and high for the first time in a while
I am in a taxi and the guy passed a light(the sign was a turn on green arrow) he didn’t even realize that he got a picture took it is snowing,someone paid for my ride and I started crying cause I felt bad
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2022.01.23 05:29 TheDinoKid21 Should we give up on believing there is anything (spirits, ghosts, reincarnation, afterlives) after death?
2022.01.23 05:29 Mystic12356 What's the Counter to Guarding Supers?
What are you supposed to do when you encounter an Arcstrider or Sentinel using Whirlwind Guard and Banner Shield, respectively? Like are you just supposed to run and hope? Are there any actual counters to it that I'm missing?
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2022.01.23 05:29 CouponingLady_ Revlon ColorStay Lip Liner $1.91 (Reg $7)
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2022.01.23 05:29 Key-Cloud-6116 [Media] Rem enjoying the Festival
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2022.01.23 05:29 WestChain4301 https://t.me/joinchat/pIcl8dQlPzMyOGY0
2022.01.23 05:29 rockyrakshith New bumble user in Bangalore, India. 22(M).Not getting any matches or likes. What can I do to get more likes on my profile? Thanks for helping :)
2022.01.23 05:29 Leerocka AJ 5 Racer Blue: Hot or Flop?
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2022.01.23 05:29 BeRCIKiller Forza Horizon 5 expansion pack 1 and 2.
2022.01.23 05:29 DataUnusual1402 Best boots for artistic skating/ double jumps
Back with another question. So I’m looking to get inline figure rollers. I’m not trying to break the bank with a 1k+ set up. I’m an experienced ice figure skater and grew up with Sp Teri/harlick/klingbeil so I’m at a loss on which boots are good (I am not planning to purchase any of those or go custom, I just want a simple set up). Perhaps just some reidell or Jackson’s? Or even Edeas although those seem to be more pricey, I’ve been seeing those three the most though but I have no idea which are rated for axels and double jumps. Thanks!
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2022.01.23 05:29 Striking-Tangerine83 Playing without evade
I started playing surge 2 recently and was thinking shit, this is really hard. I'm not a professional gamer but, like...I'm pretty a'ight. I did some research and general consensus was that it's a really hard game. I was trying to defeat the general for the 15th time when I decided to look at the button map because it took me that long to realize maybe something wasn't right. Lo! I had been playing this whole time without a dodge button. I went back and beat him first try after that. How fucking stupid. If you want to make your gameplay harder for some reason I definitely suggest it.
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2022.01.23 05:29 Glynnryan Plex Server (Windows 10) Keeps Crashjng
Anyone else experiencing Plex Media Server on windows 10 crashing randomly? Everything else on my server runs fine and I’ve not been able to figure out the cause of the random crashes for Plex Media Server.
I am currently on Version 188.8.131.5226.
Any help would be appreciated, thanks.
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2022.01.23 05:29 coir551 Any good outdoor range in LA other than Angeles and Oak Tree?
Basically what the title says. Are there any good outdoor ranges in the LA area other than Angeles and Oak Tree? Nothing wrong with either, I'm just looking to change it up a bit.
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2022.01.23 05:29 Reptilianoogway Any advice on how I could fix her tummy? Or shoulders😊
2022.01.23 05:29 cyprisk My bangs and side hair aren’t growing, tips?
2022.01.23 05:29 magdy-abdelsalam-67 German navy chief resigns over Putin and Crimea comments
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2022.01.23 05:29 Grenaderboy909 Finalised fully AFK-able oak farm, 11k wood, about 2000 sticks, 700 saplings and 200 apples per hour. Doesn’t cause much lag and is reliable
2022.01.23 05:29 Khanaerih POV: it's forsaken.
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2022.01.23 05:29 Northeastbasecamp Don't forget to ask what is in the last chance bin at ethos. Everything is 5 dollars off. Made these fruity pebble treats with it and I'm having a hard time not destroying the rest of these.
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2022.01.23 05:29 gruhvii Ight who wants to join a gc I made?
2022.01.23 05:29 driPITTY_ anime_irl